I was watching a programme this week where a celebrity was on with her newborn baby girl talking about how she’d paid for IVF in order to have her in her fifties. She’d had her first baby at 17 and now, much later in life has chosen to do the same again.
Should we judge? I don’t think we can help it and my judgement was one of disapproval I’m afraid. I just don’t think women should be having babies in their fifties.
The actress, who had the baby with her in the studio, all dressed up in black netting and sequins, not something which I would find appropriate for a baby but probably fulfilling her need to dress up and show off, seemed to think it was entirely acceptable. She said that having had a baby so early in life and now having this experience to compare, she could hand on heart say she is in a better position both mentally and financially now.
Ok, yep, she probably is more financially stable and perhaps has outgrown some of her childish teenage behaviour but, I think with such a selfish choice to have a baby so late in life it suggests that she is not terribly grown up when it comes to decision making.
We none of us know what will happen in the future but we can make educated guesses and having a baby at fifty we can guess that by the time our child is 30 we will be relying on them heavily when they may still need to rely on us. I’m 34 and I still need my Mum, I feel far too young to not have her around. Perhaps even younger than I am now and a child in this position might feel he or she is responsible for their parents? How can this be fair? Yes, something could happen to any one of us at any time leaving our children in a similar predicament but the probability is higher if we choose to bring children into the world when we are 50+.
At fifty a woman’s body is naturally winding down from being fertile and I’m not sure offering synthetic measures to these women so that they can extend their fertility is the right thing to do? There are far more cases of something going wrong with the pregnancy in much older mothers and also far more health risks to the mother. Our bodies were not meant to have children so late in life and while medical advances are good in lots of areas I just don’t think they are here for lots of reasons ending in where will one draw the line?
As a woman I understand the biological need to have children but I honestly believe that at fifty a woman is too old to do the best job possible as a new mother. Surely it’s the child in question we need to think about not the physical need of a woman who may have left things too late?!
It might sound harsh but it’s how I feel and it’s how I feel regardless of the fact it has even happened in my own family. I have a second cousin who had two babies in to her fifties and we suspect she had IVF to achieve this dream. Is she a good mother? In lots of ways yes and she has enough money so if she needs to she can pay people to help her because raising children is tiring and having tiny ones is physically demanding. Demanding for a twenty something let alone a woman who is menopausal we must remember. But… She might be able to pay for lots of things but there is a much higher chance that she won’t be around or will be ill before her children have reached their thirties and I just don’t think that’s fair. Money or health? I know what I’d choose…
MY LIFE WITH TWO!
Last weekend we stayed with my Mum and having had an excellent valuation on our London flat we decided to take a look at the Norwich market to see what we could afford and where. It’s very scary to think of leaving London because I love it so much but seeing that we could live in the best area in the City, near two excellent schools and still within walking distance to my Mum as well as close to the train station for London jaunts and it’s kind of all slotting into place!
The plan was always to move home one day and the fact I still call it home has to say something! In an ideal world we’d stay where we are but we don’t have enough money to stay living in our area if we want to buy a house. A small terraced house here is around £650,000 and we could get a similar style house in Norwich, in a similar style area for less than we could sell our flat for. I think with two children and definitely thinking about another one and we need the room a house can give us. Our flat’s been ace but it’s no family home.
I feel so sad thinking of leaving the play groups, the museums, the soft play centres, the cafe, the park, the school… Here where I live is where I want to be really but I’ve come to the conclusion that at the bottom of all my reasons to stay, it’s the people I don’t want to say goodbye to. Those who I’ve sat in cafes with and chatted at play groups to… The other Mums who are now not just other Mums but good friends however, knowing that we live in this digital age makes it easier to leave. I can stay in touch with them on Facebook and via phone, I won’t let them become just a name on a Christmas card list! Obviously I will be up in London for the blog lots too I hope and we can meet up properly…
Florence is feeling sad about the thought of leaving and we have to remember that she’s only four. Leaving all you’ve ever known must be a very daunting thought and I have to find a way to make it exciting and not scary for her. When I think that she might not start school in the one that adjoins her nursery it makes me want to cry so no wonder she is nervous when we talk about it.
I know though that she loves being near her Grandparents and we of course have friends in Norwich too. Her and Jimmy will have a garden to play in that’s our very own and won’t have to only have the pleasure when at Grams! It’s a scary but good thought I think…
This is one of my fave pics from the week, taken at my Mum’s. Florence STILL wants to hold Jimmy even though he’s almost the same size as her!
Do not throw such burden on the body in vain, because the drug skincarepillsshop.com itself is strong. I wish you all health and beautiful skin on the face!
I’ll be back next week but in the mean time please do follow me on Twitter @rocknrollerbaby.
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A friend of mine fell pregnant naturally at 48 having thought she couldn’t have children but in a lot of ways she was fitter than me who was pregnant at 28. She is most definitely the exception to the rule – the idea of chasing round after a toddler in your 50’s is pretty much beyond me and then bringing a child into the world when they could lose their mother in their teenage years – I find that hard to process and understand.
I totally agree. Having personally been friends with a girl who had very vey old parents. She was bullied like crazy about it, they missed all of her sports day events etc. they are also not around now and missed her wedding and children. As a mother, I can of course understand the natural want for children. But please think of the children before yourselves!
My husbands parents, by no means old when her was born, are still 10+ years older than my parents. Because of their ages he has had to deal with their health issues far soon than I will, not forgetting the horrible discussions that have to happen for when that time comes and we have to organise their funerals. He was adamant not to be an older parent and have a child before he was 30. We managed it by 7months!
Really hard isnt it? I agree with you that I think in our 50s we should not be having babies. Naturally we struggle to conceive at that age for a reason and I think access to IVF should maybe made more accessible to those younger than 50.
But do we want to go down the route of telling a woman she cannot have more children simply because of a number? There are some women who are fitter and more able to have babies at 50 than some at 20. And we don’t know what lies around the corner healthwise at 20, anymore than we do at 50.
Its a really tough one. I agree with you on the most part but I am not sure I want to live in a society that says no.
Great post.
I am with you on the age side of things about them being around to see their children married and to see their grandchildren. I would also personally worry about the pregnancy and risk of complications too. However I do feel that an older lady can still make a great mother and I guess it’s each to their own. x
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I think it would be extremely exhausting having a toddler in our 50s my mom can barely keep up with my toddler she is in her 50s. My sister in law is a triple and her mother had the triples at 42! I can’t even imagine how she coped and did it all and she had other older children too. One would be hard three I can’t wrap my head around that. lol 🙂 I agree with you it’s not really about what age we give birth it’s the future that would be hard, being too old to watch our children’s children play and grow up as grandparents. My Dad is older and I think about this everyday what if he isn’t here before my two babies are old enough to remember grandpa? It breaks my heart. It’s a hard call. I know it does happen more these days. #sharefriday